I wish we could live as fearlessly as children
to roll down a hill without worrying about sticks or stones
swim in the ocean with no thoughts of jellyfish or drowning
to climb a tree again and never once think
about what would happen if I fell
Getting older has made me smarter and wiser, yes
and I’m grateful for what life has taught me
but what I wouldn’t give
to leave the chains of fear behind
and spend an afternoon bathing in utterly careless freedom
spilled ink
untitled
When there’s finally light at the end of the tunnel
it’s hard not to run toward it with abandon
letting the bright light sear your eyes and ruin your vision
until all you can see
is blissful white nothing
but if you approach with care
and let your eyes adjust slowly
you won’t miss a single thing
and the sight of the world on the other side
will only be blinding in its beauty
empty lungs
the cold sea swells behind you
and you can barely take a breath before
it crashes down on you once again
all you can do is let the waves push and pull you
scraping your skin against the rocky bottom
the saltwater stinging fiercely
against your already open wounds
but the blood and pain don’t register
because all that matters is fighting
back to the surface to gasp in as much air as you can
before the next crash of dark water
overpowers and overcomes you
cliff side
you’ve been standing here for what feels like a lifetime
the sky is blue and the ocean is blue and maybe your heart is too
you watch the others leap into the sky
limbs flailing as they fall, letting the sea become their safety net
and god, you want to jump too
to give in to the desire to make a decision
the kind that’s exciting and risky and terrifying
the kind that could hurt you or kill you if it goes wrong
but make you feel more alive than you knew you could if it doesn’t
all it would take is a step
either backwards or forwards, just move your feet
you can’t fucking stay up here forever
freight train
when everything goes from sixty to zero in a single second
and the world is abruptly peaceful and calm
but your mind is endlessly turning
and your heart is wildly pumping your blood
how do you dissipate so much energy
and wrestle yourself
into stillness
a terrible idea
it’s like running as fast as you can toward a brick wall
you see it coming and part of you is screaming stop
knowing you could wrench yourself off the path,
throw your body to the ground and feel your skin ripped apart by dirt and gravel
taking a little pain to avoid a lot
but another part of you is giddy at the thought
that you might break through the fucking wall and keep going,
red dust in your hair and red blood dripping down your face
a broken nose and scraped forearms and bloody knees
it’ll hurt like hell
but maybe it will be worth
what’s on the other side
preceding the sunrise
there’s something about the late night quiet
that seeps into your skin
and fills you up from the inside out
sometimes it makes you burst
and you laugh harder than you knew you could
or you cry easier than you thought you would
and sometimes it opens your mouth
and pushes out words you could never say in daylight
ripping out secrets you swore you’d killed and buried
pushing them without grace into someone else’s hands
in the morning, you are peeled open and raw
the sunshine is too bright
the coffee too bitter
and it doesn’t matter if you laughed or you cried
your chest feels lighter
because part of you
is now missing
a dollar’s worth of silence
i want to smash a stack of expensive plates in the middle of the street
and run barefoot through the woods until I’m lost
i want to climb a tree until it sways
and sit there until I’m too cold to stand it
i want to throw rocks through abandoned window panes
and smoke cigarettes until i throw up all over my shoes
i want to drive to the middle of nowhere just to scream as loud as i can
then i’ll lay down in the dirt
and breathe
ancient history
I feel like that washed out painting
you keep thinking about putting out on the curb
Or a pair of pants you used to love
that are miserably dated
An uncomfortably tight shirt
shoes a size too small
I can’t look at myself in the mirror
and it feels like I have vacated the building
How the hell do you find something
you never knew
you could lose?
warmth
the light filtering in through the window is bright and warm
it washes over my skin and seeps inside
making my eyes droopy and my muscles heavy
I lean against the glass
and close my eyes
and bask in the heat
but no matter how much I drink in
the sun goes down
and my bones are still cold
and my heart
beats a little slower
every day
